Our little (or, probably big!) baby is “due” in 2.5 weeks, so I think that now is definitely the right time to write all about my last trimester 🙂
Now, anyone that knows me will know that I start every day with the intention of being kind, and with a positive mind. Kind to myself and kind to everyone around me – this really matters to me. Does this always happen though?!?! Well, I have to say that unfortunately it doesn’t at the moment :-(!!!! Because some people and things are REALLY annoying now I am 37 weeks pregnant!!!!! So I am dedicating this post on the final few weeks of my pregnancy to everyone who has felt my wrath and pissed me off, and to all the things that so many strangers have done that have REALLY GOT MY GOAT! 😉
First things first, and the biggest source of agitation for me, is the birth. Or, rather, OUR BABIES BIRTH.
The clue is in this word “OUR”. Not your sisters, or your neighbours, or your wife’s. Ours, for ME AND MY BABY. So many people who I don’t even know, having asked me what kind of birth I am hoping for, then decide that it’s perfectly ok to tell me why none of it will probably happen. Why?!?! This is not about my close friends and family who have my best interests at heart, and want me to go into the birth not too hung up on my plan. This is about all of the other people who seem unable to comprehend why I am not shitting myself at the prospect of giving birth and seem to get some kind of perverse delight in telling me I am wrong and naive. I truly am well aware that I can NEVER know what will happen. Just as I naively thought I could prepare for pregnancy by being super-healthy, and that that would ensure I stayed super-healthy (errr….no), I guess people are worried that I am so fixated on my birth plan that if it does not go the way I want I will be heartbroken. So, two things really here. One, NEWSFLASH – it’s highly likely I will be upset, because I wear my heart firmly on my sleeve, and I am sensitive to so so much that goes on around me that does not even directly affect me, of course it is likely that if I end up having to have shit loads of pain relief and an emergency caesarean I will be upsetI will do my best to just let it all go (and hopefully I will be able to do that as I have been preparing my mind for this very eventuality) but it kind of upsets me when people that I don’t even really know seem to scoff at my ideas for birth. There are reasons I am planning for a hypno- water birth. I want to bring our baby into this world FEELING. Really feeling as much as I can. I want the baby to feel too. I want to breathe our baby into a warm pool of water, having given it the chance to pass down through the birth canal and be coated by my microbes (thus creating my babies gut microbiome), supported by my husband and know that my baby will be unaffected by any drugs and therefore able to feed and bond with Ross and I. This is what I feel in my heart is right for me and our baby, I am not saying that everything else is wrong, I believe in every woman planning for herself and herself alone, and I do know that it is just that ~ a plan. I have been practising hypnobirthing techniques and I am excited – yes EXCITED – about the birth. In this way I am approaching it with no fear. Because I know that this is what my body is made to do, just like the billions of women before me who have given birth. And like my amazing mum who birthed me naturally, a breech baby, just with gas & air~ I am hoping I am made of the same stuff as my mum. Approaching something with fear only instills more fear, muscles tighten, breathe shortens – none of this is conducive to me naturally breathing my baby down.
I mentioned that some people laugh and scoff at my ideas for our babies birth, like one of my yoga students a few weeks ago who, after class, started delightedly telling me about his wife’s 45 hour labour (WHY EXACTLY?!?!). I had to say to him “I really do not want to hear any of this thanks!!!”, and I wanted to add “mind your own business”, but obviously I didn’t 🙂 I am happy to hear lovely stories, surrounding myself with positivity, and be recommended beautiful, empowering books (like, Orgasmic Birth and Yoni Shakti) – because they validate that birth IS natural and normal and many women have experienced pain-free labours. So, why can’t I? It’s something to aim for, and keeping a strong, positive mindset is very important to me at this stage. I think also because, overall, I have not enjoyed being pregnant, I have felt pretty bad for most of it, that is also really contributing to the mounting excitement I feel, combined with the million dollar question – is it a boy or a girl!?!?!?!? 🙂
And this leads me nicely onto the next thing I have realised. Being pregnant, apparently, makes me public property.
It seems to give complete strangers a green light to approach me in public places (like the tube) and start firing really personal questions at me. All with the best intentions I assume, but when I am struggling to not puke on the tube I am best left alone. My favourite of these moments was after a totally beautiful Yoga Nidra class. I was SO HAPPY, I felt calm, at peace, and like nothing could touch me – just like I was enclosed in a really protective little bubble (all down to the wonder that is Naomi Clark). I was in my own little world of bliss. But as I was hanging up my mat a crazed yogini got right into my face and started asking me the usual repertoire (“so, when are you due! Is this safe to do when you are pregnant?! is this your first? are you having a boy or girl?”) and I actually wanted to punch her. We had literally just finished class, lots of people were still resting in savasana and she just completely invaded my personal space. I really felt that it was so inapprops! And, actually, thinking of it, that question about yoga, and in particular Bikram Yoga, is one that I have had a LOT. Picture this. I am sitting up on my mat, waiting for class to start, when an eagle eyed yogini or yogi spots my giant belly and says “oh wow! you are pregnant! Is it safe to do this when you’re pregnant?” This question in itself is an interesting one. But to ask a heavily pregnant woman in the actual class I feel is quite insensitive and implies that, maybe, it’s NOT safe. I always explain why it is safe, and I kind of think “wow – you actually are considering that I would place my unborn child in danger by being in this room.” But, hey ho, I can’t stop people from asking me, and I am happy to tell them that YES IT IS SAFE! Not in the first trimester, but after that, yes it is perfectly safe as long as you pace yourself, follow the pregnancy modifications, stay super hydrated and really listen to your body.
Practicing yoga is one of the things that I have relied upon to keep me sane throughout the last 9 months. I absolutely NEED the 90 minute moving meditation and get so many therapeutic benefits from my practice. Even now, it is really hard, but as long as I move with my breath, slowly does it, I am fine 🙂 I have also relied on the gym, to get me away from my desk at work for an hour is just wonderful. Because I get to get out of my head again and into my body. It really is so important to me that I stay strong. I have massively taken everything down a few notches the last few weeks (and have actually done nothing the last week or so as I have been really ill with a virus), and will end 30 minutes of light strength training with a meditation. So, when people look at me in bewilderment that I am exercising with a bump, I just don’t care! Every single person is different and I am just doing what is perfectly right for ME.
And this includes buying lots of Unicorn related baby bits for Baby Roro 🙂
I read a really interesting blog a while ago “All you ever wanted to know about unicorns and how to be one” which posed the question: Why aren’t we the balanced human unicorns we intended to be?
I have kind of an obsession with the Unicorn, (am I a Unicorn inside the body of a human??) because for me this beautiful creature symbolises that there is more out there than we can ever know, if only we choose to believe it. Some people will understand this and some won’t, and that’s ok really. I choose to believe in lots, I like to imagine what could be, and I love to daydream. That is just part of who I am. I like the Unicorn because it is a symbol for what could be, not what is. And that is something that I really do hope our baby will grasp. That he or she can be whoever, and whatever, and believe in whatever he or she wants. It’s kind of a spiritual thing for me – I know that there is something bigger than all of us out there, and I have come a really long way to fully realising this and fully realising myself. This is a journey that will go on and on, and I am so excited that our little baby will be part of this journey very soon. For me, the unicorn is poise, magic, love, kindness and being different. And that is why I am bringing this creature into Baby Roro’s life with the beautiful story book above, all about a baby Unicorn who believed in little girls. Just…HOW perfect?! And maybe one or two knitted toys (I just couldn’t resist!!).
I believe in fairies and unicorns. In ultimate love, compassion and playfullness. These are in my life every moment. ~ Anonymous
The blog above ends by saying:
“Millions of souls around the world are waking up, actively leading balanced lives, and finally completing the quest that so many before them failed to do so: Not capturing the unicorn, but befriending, and being the unicorn.”
This feels so right to me, and a lovely way to end quite a ranty blog post! So you know that the essence of me is still very much here – I still am Unicorn, I am also just massive, a bit angry and uncomfortable now too.
Nearly there 🙂